Well, rest assured that the furore will die down soon enough – Apple have pulled the app.

This, also, may not be “news” to some of you, but I really just wanted to talk about it for a few reasons, so please bear with me while I discuss several underlying themes that came along with this whole sordid episode.

Exodus International is the Christian ministry that authored the app, with a view to provide information to the public on how to deal with “ex-gay” people, especially youths.

The information authored, gathered and presented on their (Exodus International) website, in their words, is meant to be “a useful resource for men, women, parents, students, and ministry leaders.”

This, by way of translation, is basically saying that they’re giving out information on the ‘management and treatment’ of “ex-gay” people and people who want to “be free” of their homosexuality.

I call bullshit.

Groups like this, not entirely but most often Christian, will dress their words up in such fine clothing that even the most discerning of readers may have a hard time reading between the lines to find the ugly truth that’s lurking just beneath the surface.

That truth is the fact that, whether consciously or not, the religious and social bigotry exhibited by these people is often more offensive and hostile than the things they get upset about.

These extremist groups of religious proselytisers take it upon themselves to live their entire lives through their religion and feel it’s their right to go around shoving their points-of-view and beliefs down anyone else’s throats.

The biggest excuse and shield being used by Exodus International and their supporters is that this move by Apple is in violation of their rights to “Freedom of Speech”.

Screaming that your rights to free speech have been denied while simultaneously denying the exact same rights to countless other groups in society, simply because you either do not agree with them or your beliefs tell you not to allow them the same rights that you enjoy, is just the sort of underhanded, two-faced bullshit that groups like Exodus International employ all the time.

If you’re going to crack the shits about your rights being denied, then take a step back and look at all the people that you shun and deny any base rights, let alone the ones you demand of them to give to you.

The app provided information on “ex-gay therapy” — “treatment” meant to “cure” gay people of their sexual orientation.

First of all, homosexuality is NOT a disease. Say it with me folks, “Homosexuality. Is. Not. A. Disease.” There, was that really so fucking hard?

Seriously, where the hell do these people get off (teehee) saying that homosexuality is a sin, is evil, is dirty, is wrong, is <insert bullshit fear-based lie here>, etc?? I mean, their own Bible features homosexuality and the earliest translations (if I remember rightly) didn’t put very much weight on whether one’s sexual alignment made you more evil than others…

I would seriously love to know where this all came about. I mean, when you look back at the closing chapters of the Greek Empire and the time of the Roman Empire, sodomy and homosexual relationships were completely normal. No judgement was passed upon people who chose to live their life with same or opposite sex – it was everyone’s right to choose.

Christianity gained traction when Roman Emperor Constantine, a life-long Pagan devotee to the Roman Pantheon of Gods and Goddesses converted to Christianity on his deathbed for fear of ending up in “hell”. Even in those earliest of days, Christianity was adopted by people out of fear.

The Christian Bible, Muslim Koran (to an extent) and also the Jewish Torah (also, to an extent) are the three major “book” religions in our world and all rule through fear, dominance (priest class) and submission (the people), and misinformation. I mean, it was fucking illegal for a peasant to even learn to read, let alone read the Bible, in the middle ages! If he actually owned a copy of the Bible, then he was completely screwed.

The fact that the Bible was translated from Aramaic to Greek and through Greek to Latin, then English and other European languages later on, coupled with the fact that only the priest class and the monks who transcribed it could actually read it left the doors wide open for the stories to be re-written whichever way they wanted them to be.

Misinterpretations could be employed and the people would be none the wiser. Laws would be changed, the powerful and rich becoming ever more powerful and rich and protected against accusation or suspicion where the poor and downtrodden would be forever condemned as worms beneath the feet of the righteous.

What kind of sick person feels any pride in that history? Moreover, what kind of arsehole still feels that this should be the case today; that the righteous should rule over the masses, protected and supported by laws and restrictions that only serve their interests and further pollute the already confused and broken people?

Sexuality is a huge part of being alive. You look in any direction in nature and you can find sexuality in abundance, with hetero- and homosexual couplings occurring in species that operate on mere base instincts; those who have no ability even remotely resembling the ability to “choose” something so simple and animal as physical and emotional attraction.

To say that being gay/straight/other (or not being gay/straight/other) is a “choice” makes you sound like an idiot, plain and simple.

Exodus International would have you believe that they are helping people who “no longer want to be homosexual”, however what they really mean is that they help confuse and blind vulnerable people with lies and religious indoctrination so that they believe that they are either cured, and thus “ex-gay”, or live a life denying what they feel and who they truly are.

You’d expect this sort of disturbing story of reprogramming and misinformation to be about the Church of Scientology, but no, this is just another bunch of bigoted Christian zealots that are out to stake their claim on as much of society and the world as they can, driven by greed, fear and a lustful hate of people who oppose them.

I say again, homosexuality is NOT a disease, nor is it a choice. It is a perfectly legitimate, natural and honourable way to live one’s life. All homosexuals are doing is being honest with themselves, their partners and the world and really, isn’t honesty the best policy?

(On that note, I have to say this: Honesty when it comes to being a brain dead fuckwit that is just bad mouthing other people for living their lives in a way that you may not approve of is just not cool. That’s called being a douchebag.)

Truth Wins Out began a petition on Change.org which would receive 150,000+ signatures in a single fortnight.

Truth Wins Out (TWO) describes themselves as “a non-profit organization that fights anti-gay religious extremism”, certainly a noble cause to be fighting in this time of hysterical stupidity and ignorant oppression.

As part of their work against the release of this app, TWO created a petition on popular online petition site Change.org in the hope that word would spread among the people and support would be given to pressure Apple to remove this app.

I want to post the overview from the petition page, especially in the event that the petition page is taken down:

OVERVIEW

Exodus International, the notorious “ex-gay” organization, has just released an iPhone app that, according to its website, is “designed to be a useful resource for men, women, parents, students, and ministry leaders.” The Exodus website further boasts that its app received a 4+ rating from Apple, meaning that it contains “no objectionable content.”

No objectionable content? We beg to differ. Exodus’ message is hateful and bigoted. They claim to offer “freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ” and use scare tactics, misinformation, stereotypes and distortions of LGBT life to recruit clients. They endorse the use of so-called “reparative therapy” to “change” the sexual orientation of their clients, despite the fact that this form of “therapy” has been rejected by every major professional medical organization including the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, and the American Counseling Association. But reparative therapy isn’t just bad medicine — it’s also very damaging to the self-esteem and mental health of its victims.

This new iPhone app is the latest move in Exodus’ dangerous new strategy of targeting youth. In light of the recent wave of LGBT youth suicides, this tactic is particularly galling as it creates, legitimizes, and fuels the ostracism of LGBT youth by their families. According to a study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, LGBT teens who experienced negative feedback from their family were 8 times more likely to have attempted suicide, 6 times as vulnerable to severe depression, and 3 times more likely to use drugs (Caitlin Ryan, San Francisco State University, June 2009).

Apple’s app guidelines, released last September, detailed rules on how the company decides what can and cannot be sold through its store: “Any app that is defamatory, offensive, mean-spirited, or likely to place the targeted individual or group in harms way will be rejected,” the company states.

Apple doesn’t allow racist or anti-Semitic apps in its app store, yet it is giving the green light to an app targeting vulnerable LGBT youth with the message that their sexual orientation is a “sin that will make your heart sick” and a “counterfeit.” This is a double standard that has the potential for devastating consequences.

Apple needs to be told, loud and clear, that this is unacceptable. Stand with Truth Wins Out – demand that the iTunes store stop supporting homophobia and remove the Exodus app.

You’ll be happy to know (I hope) that the app was removed and the petition has been closed and marked as a success.

The petition was put up on Change.org on the 10^th of March and Apple released their official statement some sixteen days later, two days after the app was apparently not available for download from the iTunes App Store.

Apple, facing major public and media (new and traditional) backlash, decides to pull the app.

Taken from the Cult of Mac website:

Apple spokesman Tom Neumayr said Wednesday:

“We removed the Exodus International app from the App Store because it violates our developer guidelines by being offensive to large groups of people.” (Emphasis ours).

After the news spread like wildfire around the globe, with traditional and new media websites and news shows taking up the story with many varied views and opinions, not to mention the increasing numbers of signatures being dropped onto the petition mentioned above, Apple began to feel the pressure from the people.

By far, one of the best write-ups on this comes in the form of an open letter to Steve Jobs by Rabbi David M. Horowitz, President of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) – you can read it here: An Open Letter to Apple’s Steve Jobs From PFLAG National President David M. Horowitz

I love how personal this letter is while it is still very much professional and my favourite parts are where he quotes the app store guidelines:

The reason for the removal of such apps is explained in the app guidelines themselves. Section 14.1 states “Any app that is defamatory, offensive, mean-spirited, or likely to place the targeted individual or group in harms *sic+ way will be rejected.”

There is no question in my mind, as one who has worked with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community for more than 30 years, that the Exodus International app will place LGBT people in harm’s way.

Additionally, Section 19 of Apple’s app guidelines reads:

“19.1 Religion, culture, and ethnicity Apps containing references or commentary about a religious, cultural or ethnic group that are defamatory, offensive, mean-spirited or likely to expose the targeted group to harm or violence will be rejected

19.2 Apps may contain or quote religious text provided the quotes or translations are accurate and not misleading. Commentary should be educational or informative rather than inflammatory”

…

Finally, the app guidelines state, “We have lots of kids downloading lots of apps, and parental controls don’t work unless the parents set them up (many don’t). So know that we’re keeping an eye out for the kids.”

As I said, there was a lot of commentary, but Rabbi Horowitz spells out the truth and facts clear as day. Bravo sir.

In 2011, religious organisations are holding back social growth as much as they did to keep humanity in the “dark ages” over 1000 years ago.

Remember I mentioned the Dark Ages earlier? Yeah, well, I’m going there again.

Part of the problem that the people faced when the Christian religion swept across the world was the fact that it was incredibly jealous and dominating with regard to practically every. Single. Thing in society, be it religion, politics, industry or even the private lives of the people – they wanted control of everything.

Entire belief systems that were native to the lands prior to Christian invasion and conversion were wiped out, simply for existing. (Where was Jesus’ tolerance back then, huh?)

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that, with such a tight hold on the day-to-day lives of the countries under their power and the evolutionary path of our species making its way forward, the Church simply didn’t want anything happening without their express permission.

Science in any form was tightly monitored. Philosophers, so common in the old world, were now few-and-far-between and were often ridiculed, shunned or killed should they speak out against the Church-sanctioned “reality”.

(Despite it having been common belief many years earlier, the common story of Columbus being ridiculed and punished by the Church for speaking out about a spherical Earth is based in factual history on the early days of Christian belief, showing that even back then their zealotry and intolerance for alternate beliefs or points-of-view could result in extreme acts against those who oppose their views.)

How does this relate to modern day?

Look at the number of Christian people in power in parliaments around the world. Look at the number of Christians that run businesses, that are in our public education system, that stick to their own church halls but stick poke their noses in everyone else’s business around their towns.

Now look at all the things that the various Christian denominations do to block various different progressive developments in our society based purely on their beliefs.

Same-sex attraction, relationships, parenting – they oppose anything homosexual because it is their belief that homosexuality is a sin. Their numbers give them the power necessary to either have their way straight up or pressure those in power to concede to their point-of-view or else “risk alienating a large portion of the population”…

Abortion and controlled-parenting – the blanket opposition of planned parenting, contraception and abortion is driven by the belief that an early termination is still “murdering one of God’s children”. This utterly fanatical and fucking stupid belief ends up putting millions of people each year through physical, emotional, financial, social (and probably more) hardships, contributing to a bloated and over-populated society that is struggling to support the current numbers. Moreover, there are places in the world that attribute criminal punishments on those who seek these treatments, again based purely on beliefs.

There are other examples that I could go into, those of science, engineering, business, politics, but I really don’t want to start too many fights today.

Suffice it to say that I fully believe that Christianity is one of the major things holding back positive evolution and change in our societies. I don’t begrudge anyone their beliefs and fully support the freedom of choice of belief for all people, but the Christian faith as it stands is so old-fashioned, rigid and decayed that it simply does not belong in this modern world.

Homophobia, fostered by misinformation and lies, breeds intolerance, violence and unnecessary pain.

This says it best: “There is no question in my mind…that the Exodus International app will place LGBT people in harm’s way.” (Rabbi Horowitz)

What many of the people defending Exodus International and their supposed “right to free speech” don’t get is that this app spreads lies and misinformation and certain people will always take things a little too far.

Here’s some scenarios we just don’t want to see happening:

A small town, largely Christian, discovers two young boys have engaged in a homosexual relationship. Their families, not knowing what to do, seeks the help of the minister and so, with the help of a number of the townsfolk, he sets about “curing” the boys’ sinful behaviour by forcing them apart, locking them in rooms and yelling scripture at them, engaging in various forms of torture (food or sleep deprivation, light deprivation, solitary confinement, dangerous exorcisms or rituals, etc.) The boys survive but are permanently damaged and could grow up to become sociopaths, serial killers, rapists, child molesters or they could simply live out their lives alone, eternally sad and potentially even commit suicide because they never truly let go of their true nature.

A young girl in her late teens or early twenties is open about her sexuality but does not flaunt it or ram it down anyone’s throats. Still, some of the local men (pick an age group – this sort of thing happens with groups of guys in their early teens right up to men in later life) feel that her sinful ways need to be broken out of her and that they’d be doing God’s work by taking her into an alley or abandoned house or factory and gang raping her to cure her of her wrongful ways. (Don’t believe this happens? Have a read of this petition and please consider signing it – “corrective rape” is employed in Africa and other parts of the world where such extremist beliefs are allowed to influence laws and politics…)

A young boy/girl in the early years of high school (average age for this is between 10-17) is beaten up and bullied every day for being gay. S/he speaks to his teachers who do nothing. S/he speaks to her parents who speak to the school and still nothing is done. Her/his friends slowly drift away from her/him and some even take part in the teasing and bulling. In a final act of desperation, feeling as though there is no way out and no support for them at all, they take their own life. (This doesn’t only happen to gay kids either – bullying effects so many lives. Bullying because of sexual orientation, whether the kid is actually gay or not, is one of the biggest causes of youth suicide and is utterly appalling. If you wish to stand against such violent oppression, head over to FCKH8.COM and help spread their message.)

These are just some extreme examples. The spectrum extends far beyond the edges of these cases, with major and minor cases being just as sad and terrible – nobody should have to suffer for something that comes naturally to them.

Exploration / experimentation of sexuality in youths is normal for many people.

It is a common fact that humans experience the most intense period of hormonal imbalance and overload when we go through puberty. It is often during this time, at an age where sexual maturity is reached and our natural instinct to find a partner is kicking into gear, that people often realise and settle into their sexual orientation.

I had my first kiss with a girl when I was seventeen, but I was definitely attracted to girls for many years prior. I went through a stage where I experimented with my orientation, believing that I may have been bi-sexual but it turned out not to be the case. That experimentation was not a choice I had, I was simply attracted to a friend of mine and he happened to be a guy. The feelings lasted a while but faded back into a sense of heterosexuality.

For some, this is all that happens. Others start out gay and stay gay; some start feeling that they are gay but turn out to be straight. Still others have no idea and generally don’t let it bother them. There’s too many variables to cover all scenarios, but we’ll just agree that teenagers are in the “experimental stage” in life.

To come over the top of this natural period in our lives and slap down religious dogma into our confused heads is just plain wrong. Fire and brimstone and eternal damnation for feeling or expressing our natural, carnal desires is just fucking awful and people should be ashamed of themselves – especially those who did it themselves as children and are now forcing their own fears and hang-ups on the next generation(s).

Ultimately, kids are going to experiment and fool around and have sex and have their hearts broken and do the normal teenage thing, regardless of what hell they’re supposedly going to or how many people tell them not to do what comes naturally.

Societal pressures and prejudices force repression, shame and silence upon many GLBT youths and adults due to their own confusions about whether they’re right or wrong to feel the way they do.

As I mentioned above in one of my scenarios, it’s all-too-often the case that GLBT folk suffer in silence or even go so far as to pretend to be straight so that they don’t have to “suffer the shame” or live in fear of being punished for feeling the way they do.

You’ve probably heard of a guy in your town or somebody your parents or friends knew that got married and had kids and “woke up one morning and left his family because he realised he was gay”.

O_o

Are you fucking kidding me? This poor guy probably had it drilled into him (heyo!) that homosexuality was a sin, that he would go to hell and that he’d be committing genocide on butterflies and angels if he turned out gay…

He probably lived his entire life knowing he was gay but trying not to let anyone else find out but one day, after years of unhappiness and repressing his feelings, he snapped and said, “You know what? This is my fucking life! I should be living to make myself happy, not conforming to other peoples’ views of how I should live my life!”

And as said as that is for his family, it’s what he should have done and should have been able to do without fear since he was young.

I’m not saying that this is always the case in situations like this, but it’s one of the most common stories I’ve heard.

What you should do if you are a teen, young adult or older adult struggling with your sexuality.

If you are a kid / teen / youth / young adult / adult and you find that you are struggling with your sexual orientation or feelings that you may be having, please know that you are not alone! In fact, people struggle every day in all corners of the globe, in all races and religions.

Also know that there is nothing wrong with you! You are feeling something natural and beautiful and something that should never be repressed or avoided.

Take a deep breath, go to Google and search for support groups in your area / country.

Where you can seek help, advice, support, community and confidential counselling, if required.

As I’m Australian, I’m really only familiar with support groups and organisations here in my country but if you have links to support networks in your country, please drop a comment below and I’ll update this article with their details here. (If you’re are troll and think that you can post links to Christian websites or 4Chan or things like that, understand that comments are moderated and I’ll simply delete your comments.)

Headspace – Australia’s National Youth Mental Health Foundation – headspace do amazing work in working with youths about a whole range of issues. They are a free service and offer confidential counselling and have offices around the country with many more to come in the next few years. Go to www.headspace.org.au to read some of their information and talk to someone.

Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800 (Australia only) or www.kidshelp.com.au – The Kids Helpline is there to offer confidential counselling, advice and support for kids in need. If you just need someone to talk to and don’t feel like you can talk to your family or friends, give them a call.

Suicide Prevention Australia – If you or someone you know is feeling really down or feel like you have no way out, please visit www.suicidepreventionaust.org or give them a call to talk (again confidential) before acting. There is always a solution other than suicide, so please do not feel like you have to go it alone or do something rash.

What if you are taught by your religion that homosexuality is wrong?

I don’t want to go undermining your religious beliefs here, but I just want you to understand something: ALL religions are man-made. Every single religious tenet or dogmatic rule or belief that has ever been expressed was made up by a man or woman at some point in history.

The fact that there is no one “true” religion that everyone can agree on shows that it’s all up to personal interpretation.

Ask yourself this question: If the god/deity/higher being, etc. of you religion is meant to be kind, compassionate and all-forgiving, why would s/he condemn us for living our lives according to the instincts and urges that s/he built us with?

I’m also not saying that you should abandon your beliefs because of your sexual orientation, but just be aware that there is no “official” religion and nobody has all the answers. If you find Catholicism too restrictive, try another form of Christianity*. The choice is always yours, never let anyone take that from you.

* Some people are under the belief that “Christianity” is a specific form of religion, different to Catholics or Protestants. This is not true.

Any religion that believes in and/or follows the teachings of the Judeo-Christian Bible can be called “Christian” (a follower of Christ). There are so many different forms of “Christianity” that it’d be impossible to list them all, but here’s a phrase for you to remember:

(I’m using Catholics as an example, but replace Catholic with any other religion that uses the Bible in its many forms)

All Catholics are Christians, but not all Christians are Catholics.

What if you’re an Atheist but you still think that homosexuality is wrong?

Well, to be completely honest, I cannot answer that question.

If you’re not wrapped up in a religious system of any kind but oppose basic human rights for things like equal marriage, equality for all sexual orientations, abortion and other rights that are highly personal and ultimately nobody has the right to decide whether or not you have the right to do these things, then you’ve got me stumped.

Denying people the basic freedom of choice for how they want to live their lives is just something that we should all be avoiding doing – nobody has the right, religious or not, to tell someone else that their lifestyle is wrong. Unless of course they are a paedophile or rapist or murderer, in which case they just suck and need to be castrated.

Double standard? I think not. Crime is different to simply being attracted to the same sex. Learn to tell the difference and we’ll have a wonderful world to live in.

What if you don’t agree with me?

Too bad. No, no, I’m kidding.

If you don’t agree with me, in whole or part, that’s fine. That shows that you’ve got an opinion which is a personal point of view.

Let’s just hope that you have formed your own opinions and you’re not just a mindless drone following the dogmatic preaching of some racist, sexist, repressed and oppressive, dangerous, cult-like group of men who have nothing better to do in their lives but expect to get an easy ride by becoming clergy and spreading their message of hate, fear and dominance across the globe.

And if you’re an intelligent and respectful religious person, understand that I do not mean to belittle or insult your religious beliefs or that of the people who run your religions. I am, in fact, quite spiritual myself and have very strong beliefs in a wide range of things. I just cannot stand ignorance or intolerance, such as has been exhibited and defended time-and-again by various religious organisations that amass blind followers that are willing to do practically anything their leaders ask of them.

Poor Barina, I broked your nose…I’m sorry…

Tuesday, 22nd February, 2011; let me paint you a scene…

The speed limit is 60 kilometres an hour, not overly fast, however you’re travelling downhill towards a busy intersection where a highway crosses the street you’re travelling on.

There is a big “Keep Clear” section to allow motorists to cross across your two lanes into side streets, approaching rapidly.

A car suddenly slams on their brakes, despite (apparently) there being nobody in front of them and nothing to cause them to do so and the line of cars behind them have to brake as well.

The chain reaction has begun. The little Toyota Corolla brakes in time and slides to a stop behind the dickhead up front who’s slowed almost to a stop for no apparent reason.

The Lexus behind the Toyota slams on their brakes too, missing the Corolla thanks to ABS breaks.

The Ford GT brakes too, knowing that they’d stop because of their awesome ABS brake system but also knowing that something is going to go wrong.

My little Holden Barina locks up and goes into a slide. No fancy ABS brakes for me…

Sliding at just over 50 km/h, I plough into the GT in front of me, pushing him forward into the Lexus which, in turn, gets pushed forward into the Corolla.

Note that the Corolla was right behind the idiot that braked first, but didn’t hit him? Yeah, well, when all this happened, the guy that braked suddenly took off and nobody got his details.

From here, we have a line of four cars with drivers needing to get out and inspect the damage and exchange insurance information.

I can tell you, knowing the road law of our State, I knew right away that I was in the “wrong” for not leaving enough room between my car and the one in front to stop.

Sliding at that speed and having done all I could do, (brake and brace for impact), I went through so many thoughts and emotions before I hit that I couldn’t even begin to describe what happened, but I can say that the slide was one of the worst feelings I’ve had.

There was absolutely nothing I could have done. There was a wall of cars to my right in the second lane and telegraph poles to my left on the nature strip – had I swerved, things could have been much worse.

What Came Next Was Unexpected…

Shaking from the shock of the accident and the pain that immediately flared up in my back and neck (due in part to the fact I’d been flat on my back the week before with muscle pain…), I got out and walked toward the group of drivers that were already exchanging information and inspecting damage.

They were all understandable pissed off but didn’t once address any of it towards me; they were all in agreeance that the idiot that braked first was the real one “at fault” and were pissy that nobody had managed to get his details.

Details were exchanged and the young bloke I hit first called a panel beater mate of his to come help with his car. They were both really supportive and kind, helping to explain what would happen with the insurance claim and that the car wasn’t a write-off and was fixable, etc.

Bit of irony? The guy I hit lives just around the corner from me in my estate…how’s that for a small world?

Insurance Claim Filed, Car Towed

The tow truck driver said that he would deposit the car in the holding yard of the smash repairs shop that worked with RACV insurance claims and that they’d be in contact with me the next day about it all.

In the meantime, Jenny had picked me up and driven me home and I’d jumped straight on the phone to RACV insurance to lodge the claim.

They were very calm and patient and I was grateful that there wasn’t a hint of judgement in the operator’s voice.

So, the claim was lodged and I took it upon myself, despite not having to, to call the other drivers involved and give them the claim number (even though the insurance company would be in touch themselves). I felt that it was the honourable thing to do, especially with how nice they’d all been about it.

Where It Happened

I think I’ll always be nervous of driving this stretch of road again – it was always bad, with people speeding up in the right lane and then cutting you off to get into the left lane, but this has just made it all the worse…I’ll be driving like a bit of a “granny” down this street for a while at least!

It was opposite “Peters Street”, on Grimshaw Street in Watsonia North, Victoria. Heading downhill towards the “Greensborough Bypass”. See below:

So, What Have I Taken Away From This Experience?

1. 1. No matter how carefully you drive, there’s always room to be even more cautious.

I spent a week wracking my brains, thinking, “what if…” or “if only…” Retrospect is a bitch and I find it more a distraction than a teacher.

To my point, I like to think I drive pretty safely. My wife and friends have remarked that they’ve felt unsafe at times, but that is because I drive aggressively.

I aggressively stick to the speed limit and get annoyed when people either drive too slowly or speed.

I may take some corners or round-abouts a little too quickly sometimes, but only when I know that nobody is around – I don’t drive aggressively like that when anybody else is around.

But, it’s time to change. I’ll be a little more conservative with my driving, easing off the corners and roundabouts and being a little bit more relaxed in my pursuit of sticking to the speed limit.

As for going downhill behind other cars? I’m going to be leaving the most ridiculous gap between me and the one in front of me from now on…

2. 2. No matter how confident you may be, your car and the conditions may not react as quickly as you.

My car locked up, plain and simple.

I’ve been over it a thousand times in my mind but there was nothing else I could have done. At that speed and especially going downhill, there was nothing else for it.

Even though the road was completely dry and there was nothing on it (debris, oil, etc.) and even though my car is only a year old, I couldn’t stop.

Even though I reacted as soon as I saw the brake lights fly on in front of me, it was still too late for my car to stop in time.

The conditions may have been prime driving conditions with little-to-no real hazards, the speed and downhill slope just added the extra element which led to my not being able to stop in time.

Drive to the conditions is something I live by, but I’ll be ever more aware of them from now on.

3. 3. Comprehensive insurance is the best investment a motorist can have.

One of the scariest moments for me was thinking that I only had “third party insurance”, which would have meant that all the other cars would have been covered but mine wouldn’t have been.

See, the only cars I’ve ever owned were shit boxes that weren’t worth putting comprehensive insurance onto (even though I wouldn’t have been able to afford it anyway!) – I still wasn’t used to owning a new car, despite it being only just over a year old!

Comprehensive insurance meant that my “excess” that I had to pay was all I would have to pay, even if the other drivers decided that they wanted me to pay for their repairs.

As soon as I found this out, I relaxed a little. It meant that my car would be fixed and that I wouldn’t have to worry about the other drivers getting angry & demanding money down the track.

4. 4. Crashing a real car is nothing like crashing a “dodgem car” and the pain sticks around…

Remember going to a carnival or town fair and riding the dodgem cars? If you’re not familiar with “dodgem cars”, you can see some in action here.

Yeah, well, crashing didn’t feel like that. There was the jerky bounce of the body when the cars impacted but it was much more pronounced and you couldn’t just drive away afterwards.

Luckily I was seeing the physio the next night and he worked on my back muscles. Almost a week later, however, the back is in pain again and more spread out than before; this isn’t just due to my posture, so I think I may have some lingering issues from the crash.

Besides, the dodgem cars have huge rubber bands around their outside that helps them avoid doing any real damage to each other – could you imagine what would happen if all road cars had a rubber ring at the same height to help prevent excessive damage in a collision?

5. 5. I am now certain that I am taking a first aid / CPR course.

After seeing that woman run straight across a corner and into a tree one night and after having my own accident, wherein nobody was hurt but the potential was there, I am convinced that I need to do a first aid course.

I don’t know how, when or where, but I will be doing a first aid course this year. If I get the chance, I’ll be pushing all the way through it to a senior first aid level.

This is as much for my own peace of mind in case something like this happens again and somebody needs help and also so that I’m not just some gawking idiot if I witness another accident. I’ll know what to do and can be useful in keeping the scene clear, the people conscious and still until paramedics arrive, at least.

…twenty months of litigation to settle your divorce.

…twenty months of litigation to ensure you receive court ordered sole custody, legal and physical, of your two young boys.

…being a father and having won custody of your sons in a system and society that often favours the mother, often regardless of the situation or suitability.

…receiving a phone call on the day you go to collect your children from their mother’s house, the voice on the other end of the line being a male speaking English with an accent, threatening you that you’ll never see your children again if you report them missing.

This nightmarish scenario, the kind of thing you’d expect to find in a Hollywood “blockbuster” film, is the real-life horror story of American father Colin Bower.

As part of the court order, their mother (Mirvat el Nady) had “limited and restricted visitation” with her children, preventing her from driving with her children and also taking them outside of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. However on the day that Colin came to collect his boys from her house, they were gone.

He received a phone call from a man that spoke in English but had an accent. The phone call was a threat; that Colin would have “no future contact” with his children if he contacted authorities. When he wasn’t given any more information regarding their condition or whereabouts, Colin hung up and called the police.

Being Proactive Is The Only Way To Get Results

If Colin had taken the unknown man’s threats at face value and just “rolled over” and not reported his sons’ kidnapping, he may never have found out where they were, whether they were still alive and safe and would not have been able to begin receiving the support of people from around the world.

Colin created a Facebook page that detailed the situation and spread it among his family and friends online, at a loss as to how he could get word out and get help.

With the help of his colleagues Justin Levy, Chris Brogan and more, word did indeed begin to spread around the world and the web. (At the time of writing—16^th Feb 2011—the Facebook page has just shy of 9000 “likes”, though in this situation I’m calling them “supporters”)

His story was also covered by local and national mainstream media, being featured several times on The Today Show (USA), NBC, CBS, FOX, ABC and local stations WGBH and the Boston Globe. He’s been interviewed on radio and other bloggers have picked up and spread his story to their readers.

The most amazing thing to me, however, is the fact that Colin has been to Egypt at least twelve times since this all began after his suspicions that his ex-wife had taken the children there were confirmed.

Fighting For His Sons

Colin has received the support of his local community and has also taken this all the way to the top in securing the support of US Senator John Kerry and the State Department who are working to bring his boys home.

His ex-wife, however, is not only facing a US federal warrant for her arrest on kidnapping charges, she’s also got an outstanding Interpol red notice hanging over her head. Clearly, she wasn’t thinking of her children’s welfare when she took them out of America against the court orders.

Sadly, however, she entered into a protective arrangement with the (then) Hosni Mubarak regime and travelled around Egypt under guard by a bunch of State Security personnel. Despite the fact that she provided false information to the Egyptian courts and ignored an Egyptian court order granting Colin visitation rights, she has not been punished or held accountable.

You see, Mubarak was not a signatory on the Hague Convention on Child Abduction, leaving Egypt completely open for Mirvat el Nady to bring her children and effectively “disappear”.

Out With The Old…

The recent protests in Egypt that resulted in the displacement of dictator Husni Mubarak shows the power of social media, the internet and the “global voice” that we’re developing.

Twitter went absolutely berserk when the protests began and the people continued a constant stream of chatter under the hash tags #Jan25, #Egypt, #Mubarak, etc. This chatter involved people from all over the world and the conversation moved so fast that the auto-updating column in my TweetDeck application was quite literally a blur of updates, just a constant stream of tweets flying by faster than I could read.

This helped fuel global media coverage and has given hope to people in media, in society and online. It has especially given hope to other Arabic nations in the Middle East and has given promise that such exposure is available for the likes of Yemen, Iran, Libya, etc.

This should also help inspire hope in Colin and his friends and family – word about his kidnapped sons can be spread like this, should be spread like this, until the Egyptian authorities cease hiding Colin’s ex-wife and hold her responsible for the illegal acts she has committed in multiple countries.

A Call To Arms…So To Speak

It is up to us, the people of the web, of the world, to take up our arms (keyboards and mice, not actual munitions) and help Colin bring his children home.

I cannot remember where I read it, but in going through all the information online about this case I saw somewhere that Colin’s boys “shied away from him” and that Colin is under the belief that they may be the victims of “brainwashing”.

This absolutely breaks my heart, that parents can do things like this to their children because of their own selfish needs and fears. As a child, my parents divorced and my mother and (now) former step-father both used to put down my father in front of my brother and I, so I know how hard it can be to cling to the love and respect you have for a parent when the other just won’t stop saying how bad they are.

It almost breaks my heart as much as this attitude: “Children need to be with their mothers. She did the right thing.” It’s this type of ridiculously uninformed, ignorant, intolerant and sexist bullshit that leads to this sort of thing happening without people knowing or caring about the truth of a situation.

I realise that women and mothers can become irrational when it comes to their children, however for others (strangers!) to blindly defend a woman who contravenes the law of two countries, kidnaps her children and takes them out of the country and prevents them from seeing their father (as is the right of both father and child), well forgive me for saying so, but that’s just fucking crazy.

We need to think rationally, seriously and like intelligent adults and support the return of the two children to America and their father. They’re supposed to be with him under law, they’re American citizens that are being held overseas (presumably) against their will and they’re overseas under false identities. They must be brought home.

How You Can Help 

1. Go to this Facebook Page and click “Like”

2. Leave a comment on the wall to show Colin your support.

3. Write about this anywhere you feel it will be best seen and spread: Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Reddit, your blog, etc. (Include the tag “noorramsay” to ensure folks can find it)

4. If you do tweet about it, use the hash tag: #noorramsay

5. Follow Colin on Twitter and show him your support: @colinmbower

6. Contact the Egyptian Embassy in Washington to plead for their support: embassy@egyptembassy.net

7. Contact US Senator John Kerry to thank and encourage him for his support: support@johnkerry.com

8. Donate (if you’re able) to Colin’s legal defense fund here: http://funds.gofundme.com/ifo4

9. Read, share on Facebook and/or ReTweet these articles by Colin’s good friends and colleagues:

• Justin Levy: http://justinrlevy.com/2010/08/22/help-bring-noor-ramsay-home/
• Chris Brogan: http://www.chrisbrogan.com/bring-noor-and-ramsay-home/
• Mark Suster: http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2010/08/21/please-help-my-friend-colin-recover-his-kidnapped-children-noorramsay/
• Dirt & Noise (blog): http://www.dirtandnoise.com/2010/08/help-bring-noor-and-ramsay-home.html
• Parent Dish (blog):  http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/01/boston-dad-fights-to-get-kids-back-from-egypt/

And please share this article by me also -

• Laneth Sffarlenn: http://sffarlenn.net/2011/help-bring-noor-and-ramsey-home/

Further Information

You can find out further background information by viewing the “Info” page and watch some of the interviews that Colin has given on the “Media” page on the Facebook page.

You may or may-not have noticed a subtle shift in the layout of Sffarlenn.net, however there has indeed been some improvements made (in my opinion) to the site overall. This comes as my ideas and motivations for this site are ignited by possibility and the drawing to a close of my other blog, It Takes 10 Years To Become An Orphan.

One of the main changes that I’ve made is not to start writing shorter posts, because that just isn’t me. No, the improvement to my site layout is one that I hope is adopted across the blogosphere, and that is the inclusion of a “TL;DR” summary at the head of each blog post.

TL;DR is an online abbreviation of “Too Long; Didn’t Read” – it’s popular on forums and message boards like Reddit, etc. Basically, you write a bunch of stuff and then provide a summary, typically a one-liner, about what you just wrote (almost like a moral, but not).

I had the idea to summarise my posts when I wrote my last big update which worked out to be just over 4000 words long. It’s generally accepted that peoples’ attention spans are quite short, indeed most people wouldn’t have even gotten to this line I’m writing now, so it is with these headline-skimmers in mind that I split my posts up into two sections: TL;DR and Full Blog Post.

One the home page, I’ve provided an alternative to the standard “Read More” link in the way of three links: One to the summary or TL;DR, one to the Full Blog Post and one to the Comments section. Makes a lot of sense, right? Well, I think so. We’ll see how successful it is over time.

Aside from the post-related updates, I’ve also got plans to re-write my “about” page as well as adding an “I Recommend” page, similar to the one that Jade Craven has on her page. It’s a great idea and is one she’s not touchy about people replicating, so I figure, why not?

There’s several other things happening, but I’ll write about them in a moment.

Changes Summary & Examples:
• Home Page Layout

The home page has had a couple of major changes.

I’ve cleaned up the Categories that I allocate to my posts to align with my vision for the site. They may change over time, but for now I’m pretty happy with those that I’ve chosen. You can find them above my posts and sidebar, floating in the centre of the page. They’re pretty self explanatory, so I’ll not go into any detail about them here – have a look at the posts within each category and you’ll get the idea.

• Post Formatting

I’ve rearranged the layout of the post area on the home page and the actual post page to include a smaller thumbnail image, larger title text and a cleaner excerpt (homepage only).

Once in the actual post area, I’ve included a floating social sharing toolbar from GetSocial that sticks to the screen as you scroll so there’s little chance that folks cannot share.

• Sidebar

On the sidebar, I’m conceptualising a few different ideas for call-to-action things, including a feature that I’ve seen on a few blogs that seems to be a really great idea.

There are still some things that I’m planning to tweak but even I don’t know what they are :P

A Purpose For Sffarlenn.net

As you could probably no doubt tell from my site’s categories, I’m moving this blog to being more of a personal-style blog, writing about things that really matter to me. So, the plan is not to monetise this site beyond the occasional affiliate review post or something.

Writing about causes, web design / development stuff and general ranting is something that, I believe, I need to do. The causes thing is going to fuel a lot of the content on the blog because I’ve got a lot to say on a lot of the causes that need attention.

Causes, however, aren’t limited to signing petitions and raising awareness for upsetting or terrible things going on in the world but also about awesome things like The Badass Project.

So there’ll be some crossover between the “causes” category from time-to-time with my Spotlight category (Badass Project post coming soon!). The rest of the time, the blog will be my general ranty-ramblings about whatever captures my interest.

The posts aren’t going to be that frequent, due to the nature of my lifestyle and general lack of time management skills, but it all should pick up once I finish the blogging stretch of the 10 Years Project.

Speaking of…

Life After The 10 Years Project

With the end in sight, victory within my grasp, the sweet taste of completion washes across my tongue before I remind myself that there’s still three weeks left, damnit!!

At the time of writing this post, I’ve completed writing posts that will stretch up until the 13th of February, which happens to be the 10 year anniversary of my having being kicked out of home. (If you want to know my feelings about that, hop on over to the 10 Years blog on Sunday 13th – the reflective blog post goes live then.)

I haven’t given much thought up till now about what I’ll be doing once the blog has finished or even what I’ll do with the blog once it’s done. I mean, there’s plenty of ideas of where to take the Project after I’m finished with this story, but I’ve not given any of it much serious thought.

I’ve got a number of things that are floating near the surface as plans for what I want to do once I “get my life back” from writing this blog (cos it has taken up SO much of my time, esp. in the last few months)

So, for now, “life after the 10 Years Project” is on hold until I actually finish writing it and find out where my time goes and where the chips fall.

Still No Concrete Ideas For Laneth.com

Mostly because I’m not trying to think beyond the end date of the 10 Years Project, as mentioned above, I’ve really got no idea exactly what I want to use Laneth.com for.

I’m actually rather happy with it being the information node that it is right now, linking out to my two (current) blogs and the social / site services around the web that people can link up with me on. So, for a while at least, it’s going to stay like it is until I can really figure out what to do with it.

I have a sneaking suspicion, however, that it’ll be one of my main “branded” sites, simply because I am Laneth and it’s a fairly easy-to-remember word / name / site.

I know we started off the year with quite a sad turn of events in Australia’s northern states, however the floodwaters have begun to recede in most areas and the cleanup process has begun. A long way to go for the survivors of the QLD floods, but at least they’ve taken that first step as a community, with the backing of the rest of the country.

I wanted to take the time to write a little about what was happening with me (yes, this post is about me…what else is new?) and what my hopes are for 2011.

Before you jump down my throat and tell me I should make plans with solid steps on how to achieve said plans, I just want to let you know that I haven’t settled on any one direction as yet for this year – there is much in my life that is in a state of flux at the moment that could change anything that I put into motion in the first half of the year, but we’ll get to that later.

Secondly, a warning…

This post is almost 4,000 words long. You have been warned…

Laneth.com

Firstly, I want to share some exciting news.

About ten years ago, I was looking into what it took to register a domain name and host a website; I was seventeen and broke, so it didn’t go ahead. Still, the domain I really wanted wasn’t available anyway, so I lost interest pretty quickly. Can you guess what the domain was? That’s right, it was Laneth.com – my name.

A lot of folks don’t recommend having your name as your domain, but there’s several reasons behind wanting it (mainly because Sffarlenn is just too bloody hard to remember how to spell, let alone remember it at all or pronounce!)

Laneth.com has no clearly defined future, other than it’s mine finally. I have wanted that domain and monitored it on-and-off for the better part of a decade in the hope that it finally lapses and is up for sale. I lucked out on Thursday of this week just gone (13th January) when I was writing a post on my other blog, It Takes 10 Years To Become An Orphan (it will be posted on 21st January), about when I first registered Sffarlenn.net in 2007.

Making sure that all three top-level domains were still taken (.com, .net and .org), I noticed that .com was a parked site and that all the previous information was gone. It had been replaced by a whole heap of generic crap from GoDaddy.com, with a link saying that the site was for sale, make an offer.

Taking a chance, I sent through my offer and within an hour I had an email back from the owner of the domain saying that they’d accepted the offer and would transfer it as soon as the money hit their paypal – I was ecstatic!

By the time I was heading to bed that same night, I’d received the transfer instructions from the former owner (they were really nice and helpful – thanks Franklin!) and I’d processed it all and am now, as at the time of writing, just awaiting the final acceptance of the transfer from Franklin approving the transfer. UPDATE – 15 minutes later: The domain transfer confirmation email just came through telling me that the transfer is complete and is now MINE!!!

It was really exciting! I’ve never actually bought a pre-registered domain before like that, so it was definitely a learning curve. (Bet you I was really lucky too and the next one I go to do is a little more stressful than this one…)

So, now I own my name as the top-level domain and am well on the way to becoming the world’s “official” Laneth :) I’m pretty touchy about my name and like to register it wherever I can.

You know what’s frustrating though? When you go to a brand new (even beta) site to register an account and they say your username is taken, yet when you visit the profile page it would exist at, it isn’t there? I hate the way they restrict usernames these days…I just want to be “Laneth” on every site I visit, no numbers, no extra words…just Laneth.

You know what else sucks about that? Twitter.com won’t release account names to individuals and someone has already registered @Laneth…They haven’t tweeted, have been online for well over a year inactive and Twitter won’t do shit about it. I want that username damnit! I have read that they intend to get to releasing usernames in the future, but that’s just really shitty right there…surely it wouldn’t be that hard to do…

Alright, moving on…

It Takes 10 Years To Become An Orphan

Exciting news on that front too!

From the humble beginnings back in August 2010 on my 27th birthday, I have successfully posted a post every day (except for a month over Christmas), sometimes two, and have just finished writing the entries for the year 2007.

That’s right! I have only to write 2008, 2009 and 2010 and the project (in its current form) will be finished. *phew*

I can tell you right now, this has been a wild ride! Emotionally, it has been a rollercoaster ride with many highs and lows. It’s never easy reliving a whole bunch of your past, especially when a lot of it is painful.

Still, it’s been a great run to date. Now, however, I cannot wait to get it finished as I have so many other exciting ideas that I want to get started on but can’t due to the amount of time it takes to write all the posts for 10 years.

This might be boring to some, but others might find it fascinating: statistics.

At the date of writing (16th January 2011) and since August 8th 2010, I have:

• • Written 78,383 words;
• • Written 145 posts and posted 133;
• • Averaged a word-count of 576 words per post;
• • Written fourteen posts over 1,000 words with many being over 500;
• • Seventy-one (71) posts left to write and post before the end of the first week of March, some of which promise to be lengthy…

An exciting opportunity for the 10 Years project and the various sub-ideas I have while writing it has been that I’ve connected with Headspace Australia, (@headspace_aus), Australia’s National Youth Mental Health Foundation.

These guys do amazing work and I’ve been lucky enough to talk to their Community Manager a bit over the last couple of months and am looking forward to meeting with her to discuss various ways that we could work together in the future.

This is an amazing opportunity and is so exciting. Something I’ve always dreamed of doing was working with teens as a peer counsellor or support worker and while I know that’s pretty much out of the question considering I’ve no qualifications, there’s other ways that I can help.

Some of the ideas that I’ve had for the 10 Years project post-blog is to work on the ten years prior to the one I’ve just written about and that takes me right the way through high school and up to when I moved out of home at seventeen. A lot of trauma, a lot of experiences, a lot of opportunity to help others that are going through / have been through what I went through or similar. Really excited to explore that.

If you get a chance, please do visit the Headspace website, follow them on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube too! Spread the word, get it into schools and libraries and universities and on public message boards – there is a place you can go to talk, anonymously if you wish, to help sort out your headspace!

Blogging

If you’ve been reading my posts here, you’ll know that I’m a bit “all over the shop” when it comes to any form of consistency; topic, frequency of posts, etc.

This I hope to change in 2011. With the confirmation that Laneth.com is mine, I’ll be conceptualising a proper blog theme, layout, purpose and more and hope to begin my proper foray into the blogging world sometime in March or April this year.

It may or may not actually land on Laneth.com, but I’ll keep you informed and we’ll get going soon.

Ultimately, I’d like to join the ranks of successful folks making their living from writing a blog, so that is my first real “hope” of 2011, as mentioned earlier.

There is much to work out to get to the stage where I can hang up my off-white collar, but there are a lot of different opportunities presenting themselves to me that seem to all require the time to build themselves up before they can involve me, so things really are up in the air as to where my first little steps will be taken.

In the short time I’ve been involved in the “blog-o-sphere”, I’ve met some really interesting and amazing people, many of which are “living the dream” by writing ebooks and consulting with people from a location-independent place while planning round-the-world trips and writing blogs. These people are simply incredible to me.

They are the nicest, most generous and communal people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and becoming friends with and indeed I do feel humbled and honoured to call so many of them friends.

Thanks, largely, goes to Jade Craven (who has become such a great friend to me) and the Social Media Club Melbourne meeting I attended last June. If I had not sat with her, talked about Envato and geeked out about a couple more things, I wouldn’t be sitting here still blogging (occasionally, but still).

She is simply amazing at what she does and it is simply by knowing her, joining conversations with her on Twitter about various things and being actually introduced to folks by her that I’m meeting and becoming friends with so many people, a fair number of which are in the so-called “A-List” category. At the risk of sounding a little star-struck, it’s really nice to be able to have proper conversations with folks like this on Twitter and even, at times, on Facebook or by email. Testament to the fact that they are just people and have not grown their ego to the point where they just don’t talk to folks.

Anyway, blogging is going to be a BIG thing for me throughout 2011 and the future. Look out (e)world!

The other thing I’ve got might cause a bit of a stir amongst the bloggers of the world, at least I hope it will. I’ve a plan for a new “convention” in blogging layouts/themes for bloggers, like myself, that tend to be a bit on the verbose side when it comes to word counts.

But, more on that later.

Causes / Activism

I’m a member on a number of petition sites around the web and put my name to a fair number of petitions and share a few of them on Facebook and Twitter too. I understand that it’s unlikely that many of the petitions come to any sort of resolution, positive or otherwise, but it’s something that I believe can help in some small way by showing that there is a large number of people that are aware of the issue and are willing to speak out against it.

When the Wikileaks debacle surfaced late last year, I had reached a limit somewhere within myself that motivated me to go from just signing my name to an anonymous online petition to actually writing about it and taking a more proactive approach.

When it was unfolding, I was following it closely because the issue of freedom is one very close to my heart and not just in the sense of internet freedom or freedom of speech. Still, my motivations on the Wikileaks case are not the focus here.

Shortly before I gathered my thoughts and wrote them up about the Wikileaks issue, I was talking to a good friend of mine on Facebook about her cousin, Lynette Dawson, who’d been missing and presumed dead for the past 28 years, the prime suspect in the case being her husband.

This issue meant so much to my friend and her family and the pain came through so strongly in talking with her that I felt compelled to write about it myself and help spread word about it as best I could.

As it stands, the article about Lynette Dawson has been my most viewed article to date here on Sffarlenn.net, fetching over 470 unique views and over 1,000 pageviews on its own. The closest other article pageviews-wise fetched only 591 pageviews and had been posted far longer.

This has proven to me that, while I’ve written a few articles about tech-y that have been well received, my ‘activist’ posts have been much more popular and served to bring me a lot more consistent traffic.

So, as far as Sffarlenn.net is concerned, it’s been a successful test and has shown where some of my strength is in my writing. If I decide to keep the site active now I have Laneth.com, I’ll be using this place as a sort-of activist hub where I’ll write occasional posts about the petitions I’ve signed and the causes that I support.

Proofreading and Editing

This has been a bit of a sore point for me for a while now.

I’ve been enrolled in my correspondence editing course since mid 2008 but hadn’t made it past the fourth module. I have always been a terrible student in that way.

I mean, I’ve paid the full course fees but simply haven’t made the time to sit and really knuckle down.

I guess I’m writing about this here because I’m almost up to writing about enrolling in the course over at the 10 Years blog and I guess it’s all going to come out anyway.

The lack of discipline I’ve shown with this is, I believe, intrinsically linked with my emotional and mental struggles. It’s not something I’ve been overly vocal about, but I’ve been struggling with various emotional problems for most of my life that affect a whole range of things in my life. I think I might write a post about it soon.

As for the course, I’ve still got time to finish it. I will finish it. If writing the 10 Years blog has taught me anything, it’s that I actually can stick to something and finish it. If I can do that with my blog, then I can finish my editing course and, for the first time, actually have a qualification under my belt.

Time will tell, as always.

Creative Writing

Late last year, thanks to an advert in the sidebar of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I found an online comic / graphic novel series called DreamKeepers. After buying and downloading the first two (available) graphic novels, I then proceeded to spend almost five hours (on my internet speed) reading the whole currently available “back story” called the Prelude, which is the web comic that gives a bit of back story to the main cast of the graphic novels. It’s really quite cool.

Then I happened to have a look at the forums and figured I’d give the role playing a bit of a go (you can read the story here – I’ve recently had to step out of the story due to time constraints but the story is still really cool and I’m still reading along.

This has refuelled my desire to write fantasy. I’ve had a few half-formed storylines sitting gathering dust on the shelves in my mind for over a decade and haven’t made the time to sit down and write them out.

The problem that I’ve always faced is time. I am always trying to do too much and one task or another always ends up suffering and my creative writing is always something that has suffered first.

It’s something that brings me so much joy, however, so I truly feel that I shouldn’t hold myself back anymore. If I feel the spark of inspiration, I should definitely indulge it (so long as I’m free at the time to do so) or at least write down some quick notes so I can remember it later and get reinspired.

I’m considering doing it a little differently though, considering I’ve not been successful in pulling my thoughts together for a novel in the past, but that idea is still forming. Give it time, it might even surface in 2011 if we’re all lucky!

Fitness / Martial Arts

With my fitness and general physical shape getting a little out of control over the past ten years, going from borderline anorexic to overweight, I’ve decided that I need to do something to get back in shape.

Having joined a gym with Jenny last year, I’ve been quite neglectful in actually attending properly / regularly. This will change over the coming months until our membership expires, but I’ve been talking to Jenny about the possibility of me taking up some form of martial arts again.

As a youngling I studied Japanese Ju-Jitsu before my parents got divorced – it was so much a part of me back then that it was one of the hardest things to leave behind.

All the other places that I’ve inspected since moving from Melbourne and eventually coming back have lacked discipline, lacked any sort of real attraction, (not to mention that none of the forms I tried compared to the Ju-Jitsu I studied all those years ago).

I may, however, have found myself a solution: Shaolin Wing Chun Kung Fu. There is a school in Greensborough, only ten minutes from my house, which is almost like fate. Still, I shouldn’t get my hopes up until I’ve at least inspected it.

But, there you go. I’ve plans to see out my contract at the gym and perhaps also join the Kung Fu school.

The other incredible thing about it is that the Shaolin Kung Fu techniques gave birth to many of the Asian martial arts forms, so it is almost Fate that I should find my way to it at the rebirth of my martial journey. Couple that with my intense fascination with the Chinese culture and history and you’ve got the perfect mix.

If I do indeed get stuck into the Kung Fu training, I’ll finally have the platform to properly learn a form of Qi Gong as well, given that Kung Fu and Qi Gong share a common beginning. So, I’ll get myself a grounded centre, a base from which my emotional spring can flow forth and a serenity through which my life’s river may flow.

All sounds very nice, doesn’t it? It’s something that I’ve always wanted; a sense of tranquillity in life that seeps into everything I do so that I can see the many worlds as one intricate pattern and become a wise old man that speaks in allegory and cryptic riddles, all the while revealing hidden truths about day-to-day life to those who’ve become blind to the beauty that is Reality.

Oh, and I’ll be getting in shape too :P

One thing I won’t be doing is competing. One thing that I dislike about modern martial arts practice is that it has been, in my opinion, cheapened by being turned into a sport.

I don’t hold it against anyone who treats it thus, nor do I condemn them for making such a choice, however it really cheapens the rich history and melancholy meaning behind its necessary development and practice. Those who learned the arts and used them to defend their villages would not have used it as a sport because it was not honourable to fight without cause, especially in competition. That wasn’t the point.

At least, that’s how I see it.

Work

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to many of you, especially if you follow me on Twitter, that I’ve been feeling a little discontented in my job of late. Well, a little is a lie, but we’ll not get into that.

I’ve been loath to write about this before now because I’ve not wanted it to become known, especially as I haven’t voiced my concerns at work, but I feel that I need to write it down here, at least briefly, since I’m giving a total recap of where I am. (And if you’ve read this far, then kudos to you! We’re now up to 3.4K words!

So yeah, I’ve moved on in all ways but by physically leaving. My heart and mind just aren’t in it anymore. It’s sucking the life out of me, but there’s little I can really do to change that.

Sure, I could go get a job working 12 hour shifts as a security guard out where my wife works and make more there working four days a week than I do in a fortnight where I currently am, but the work itself prevents me from doing it.

Same goes for moving to another admin position. I’d be on par with what I’m earning but I’d be starting at bottom again and learning a whole new set of tasks. Most of the jobs also require some working knowledge of bookkeeping, of which I’ve got none. I’d be more suited to a receptionist position, but even then it’d be a nightmare.

So, I’m at a crossroads and have been stuck for a while. Like Mad Martigan in the movie Willow, locked in his suspended cage…As Jenny has said to me, “It’s frustrating to be an observer, with so many solutions to the problems you (I) face but just can’t tell you (me) what to do or how to do it.”

From the inside, my situation looks much more bleak than it probably is, but for those who can look from the outside in, they probably see a lot of different avenues I could take to alleviate the stress and bother I am feeling.

One thing I’ll remind folks though is that, even though there’s a whole world of different things I could probably do, I’m just worried for my mental wellbeing in choosing something just to get out of my current situation. The short-to-mid term effects of taking on a temporary job could be much more damaging to my health and state of mind than sticking with my current job.

Still, that’s just who I am. I’ll get over it eventually and will move onto bigger and better things. I just need patience.

Until Next Time…

Thanks for sticking with me through this rambling, self-centred look at my world. It is a very small glimpse into my world, so don’t feel that this is all I’ve got going on. I’d be here for another six thousand words if I was to describe everything that I was doing, but yeah. This’ll do.

Take care of yourself and make sure you be kind to the animals. Look at what happened to Charlton Heston…if you woke up on an earth controlled by apes, you’d better believe they’d just kill you and not tolerate your “human superiority complex”…